In my last post, I said that M's depression was being controlled by her meds and we don't see the old M very often. Well, I spoke too soon, because the old M has been back with a vengeance the past few days. She's refusing to do her homework, turning a 10 minute assignment into a 2 hour argument, complete with a crying breakdown and pleas for us to figure out some way for her not to have to go to school anymore. Taking away her cell phone and chromebook had no effect, just like so many times in the past. She ended up doing the homework, but I sure don't feel like it was any sort of victory.
The next evening, we got a call from her friend's dad telling us that M was making not-so-subtle threats of suicide during an argument. Now these suicide threats, I just don't know how to take them. She only seems to make them when she's frustrated during an argument. I told her that she needs to talk to us when she feels this way, but to sling it at another person in the heat of an argument just leaves everyone confused. This isn't the first time we've heard threats from her, but it doesn't get less confusing. I refuse to have her hospitalized. The parent who notified us of this had his daughter hospitalized twice in the past year and I'm not convinced it was helpful in any way. The hospital got her on meds and released her after a couple of days. M is already on meds, we see her psych often, so I'm not sure what else to do. I try talking to her, but she shuts me down. It really seems like she's embarrassed that she said something she didn't really mean and she didn't want to get called out on it. Right now I guess we're just in another round of wait and see.
The school issue is ongoing. I've offered to let her do online school from home, but she says that it would be all of the bad things about school without the good (electives and friends). She has said that we just need to pull her out of school and let her take music and dance lessons all day. Yeah, great, who is going to pay for all those lessons? And what about a high school diploma? See, I agree with her to an extent. She's going to have to take Algebra II, geometry, and who knows what other math classes in high school. I never went beyond Algebra I, it just wasn't required when I was in high school, and I've never missed those other classes. She has already topped out on the reading assessment the school uses. It goes up to a score of 13, which is basically just 'beyond 12th grade'.She is a naturally inquisitive kid, she just gets defiant when she's told what to do, which is why she has a problem with school. I refuse to homeschool her, I know our dynamics and I think one of us wouldn't walk away from that situation alive.
So what is the alternative? Well, call me crazy, but I've been looking at unschooling this morning. From what I can find, our state only requires that parents submit an affidavit to county each year if they intend to homeschool. That's it, no portfolio, no testing, no submitting curriculum. So technically, I can submit the affidavit and then allow her to unschool. But then what? See, I'm a big, huge fan of public school. I'm a certified teacher, I loved school, and to withdraw from all of that freaks me out. I think she would explore the things she's interested in, but what would that look like? Days full of teaching herself how to play Jack White songs on the guitar? Reading fan fiction? Is that educational? How will it prepare her for a career? She wants her career to be in music, but is that even realistic? Would I be doing her a disservice by allowing her to 'drop out' of the educational system instead of giving her the skills to work within it?
So now I'm kind of at a loss. I can't imagine spending the next 4.5 years fighting with her about school. It's too damaging and never seems to get us anywhere. And I know that her depression is caused by a chemical imbalance, but how much does the stress of school add to it? And how would unschooling M affect our younger daughter? I'm not going to pull her out of 4th grade to unschool, she works well in the public school setting, but would her attitude about school change if she sees her sister unschooling? There don't seem to be any easy answers.
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